I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
