i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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