All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
