Whod you bang
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
