she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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