i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
