Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize