Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
