Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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