I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
