no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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