Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
