Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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