he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
