I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
