I like to think it a success when the cops are called
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
