It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
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