I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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