I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
