Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
