i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize