I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
