Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
