does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize