I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
