I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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