i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
