My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
