Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Randomize
