We're like a lot better than the average bears
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
