Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize