listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
