What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Randomize
