this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize