Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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