just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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