Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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