One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
