girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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