see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
