She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You took a bar mat shot.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Randomize
