I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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