wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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