Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize