I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
