We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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