the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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