eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
