i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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