I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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