Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
