I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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