Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize