Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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