He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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