I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Randomize
