It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
