That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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