From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize