If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
