We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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