I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
