maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
