Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
