I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
