I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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