sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
