dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
