I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
