fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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