I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
