Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
