So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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