what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
