yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
