Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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