ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
