R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
