I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
