She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
