Tell her she can't have a vagina
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
