I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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