Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
