Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(303): View more from Colorado

My liver just broke up with me...

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(308): View more from Nebraska

It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...

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(705): View more from Ontario

never. drinking. again.

(1-705): View more from Ontario

lets not get ahead of ourselves.

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(213): View more from California

the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.

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(407): View more from Florida

I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"

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(216): View more from Ohio

I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.

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