you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
