i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
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