apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize