this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Randomize
