i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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