How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
