Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
