Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize