Michael Bay diarrhea
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize