Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I'm always down for nudity.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
