Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
