He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
