I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
