I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
