What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
All I want is dick and wine.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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