no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
