and i looked up. we had an audience...
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
