I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
