the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize