Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
