she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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