i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
